It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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