He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
