At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize