i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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