Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
