Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He better not be in your backpack
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
