her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
