She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
