Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
