I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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