Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
