Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My dick has a subreddit
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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