He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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