am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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