Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
