i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
