my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
