so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
