I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
