weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
