He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
