We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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