Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
