It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
