I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
