I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
