I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
