Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize