dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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