well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
