When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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