she woke up with a sticky ear
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
