They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
