There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
is this the sara with the beer cane?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
