You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
