Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
