3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And then my night got REAL pukey
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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