i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
