As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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