my sisters under your porch take her home
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
