I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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