apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
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