i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
