Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
