Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
