If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
