Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
