You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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