Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
