i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
