I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
