CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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