I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
