I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
