I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
