Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
