Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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