Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
