There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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