an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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