i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
