if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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