If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I didn't notice because vodka
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
