I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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