either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
