her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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