I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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