so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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