Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
