All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
