Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
