I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize