If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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