if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
